So many things to say… I have written paragraphs and deleted them for the mere fact that this blog has turned into a biography for my children and as much as I want to vent and spit venom right now, there are probably better things to capture. I do however want to paint a bit of a backdrop so that I never forget the adversity that is providing the experience necessary to deliver wisdom to my children someday.
The past several weeks have felt like navigating hell with a match. Our tenants in Oregon did unspeakable things to our home. The financial blow obliterated four years worth of savings, and we are still bleeding. During that time, medical bills have mounted: Cole needed an ultrasound, I needed an MRI, and both boys ended up on breathing treatments. SEVERAL ER trips for me and Ryker. Tomis was having to cover double hours at work so we didn’t have each other to lean on, and it took all I had to keep it together for the kids. But, I did it… just barely.
At present, we are out of the thick and looking towards a glimmer of light…
Good news is, I don’t have multiple sclerosis. Cole does not have testicular cancer. Both the boys are happy and almost 100% healthy now (Cole has an ear infection). Tomis took a position working where I work, which is an amazing and family-oriented company. With Tomis more available I have been able to stop regimenting the boys routine, and there has been more laughter in the house. For the first time since Cole was born, we all spent a weekend together as a family. I have enrolled for my Master’s Degree so I can use some of my coming stipend money to get us back on track. With interest rates at a record low, we can even consolidate our debt and not freak out about repayment once I complete my program. The house in Oregon is still not in a place that we are in the clear, but it is getting there. Long story short, once we can pull through this horror story, we will be better for it. Our family will be stronger and we will be happier than before this sad tale began. God is mysterious, that is for sure. I have learned to never doubt that if you put good out there, even when adversity is at its worst, that good will be returned to you.
What I want my boys to know most is this. While this was going on, you had an amazing Halloween and Thanksgiving. You laughed and were loved. I genuinely had amazing times with you, despite the fact that I thought I might be losing it. Your daddy missed you everyday he couldn’t see you while at work, and he quit his job so that we could finally be the family you deserve. Your mommy and daddy utilized every reserve of energy they have, and you know what, I was able to laugh and smile every single day (even if sometimes I wanted to cry too). The wisdom that I want you to glean from this experience of ours is this; no matter what, don’t let anyone take your smile away from those you love. Don’t ever stop believing there is reason to put good out there. And don’t ever lose faith in yourself, people, and God.